Decree From On High

Because God Cares... you have lost your lease. You were not meant to form a church here (or anywhere) in the first place. Next please!

Corporate Jesus Cures Constipation

How did they know what I needed? It's as if... as if... as if it were divine. And if I had needed a clean toilet at that moment, I could have found it in the office park sanctuary. They tend to have decent facilities.



Seriously, though, I'm sure they have all the services needed in one complex. It looks like the sort that might house an accountant, a pr firm, small publishing, and maybe some video production studios, all of which a thriving, regular congregation would need. A Christian insurance agency could sell life insurance for those left behind by one saved and returned to His Maker, along with auto insurance for those who drive with Jesus as their copilot. (They tend to be distracted by the meaningful conversations they are having with Him rather than paying attention to the road.) Would that agent also offer property insurance covering Acts of God?

From the sign I can clearly see that like me, they are also always looking for a good bathroom. Colon health is very important. The office parks like that usually have a doctor and a dentist. And why not? Maintaining His temple is demanded somewhere in the Old Testament.

Does putting up a sign at Gaston and Royal about intestinal health qualify as spreading the Word? Perhaps it's more of a declaration. With clean colons, they are unladen, lighter weight and floating up to heaven.


Credit must be given to Scooter for the photos, for finding the church, and for the brainstorming which refined the final text. Of course, he's never constipated: that's me, worrying forever about the souls of all the unsaved in the world.